<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Udesii by le_paquet_fou</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157315">Udesii</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/le_paquet_fou/pseuds/le_paquet_fou'>le_paquet_fou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All Our Joy, All Our Pain [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Comfort/Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, No Beta We Die Like Clones, Platonic Relationships, Survivor Guilt, but also at this point angst is my brand, these boys get no break</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:33:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/le_paquet_fou/pseuds/le_paquet_fou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rex wanders the halls of the <i>Negotiator<i> after a hard battle, the toll of the war starting to show and wear on him. Cody refuses to let his brother suffer alone.</i></i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CC-2224 | Cody &amp; CT-7567 | Rex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All Our Joy, All Our Pain [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762891</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>AOJAOP Universe</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Udesii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rex doesn’t like the silence. It lets the distant sound of blaster fire fill up the space around his head and lets the little voice he tries to ignore grow louder. It lets the guilt gain weight and weigh heavier on his shoulders.</p><p>Knowing this, he isn’t sure why he got up to wander the halls of the ship. It was a nightmare, he knows that, but it’s the middle of the night cycle; there’s no friendly chatter between his men or small explosions from competitions made to keep all of them from spiraling in this war. Really, it was the worst decision he could have made.</p><p>Despite his better judgement, he keeps walking down the empty halls until he reaches the hangar. It’s hauntingly quiet, not even an astromech wandering between ships to make minor repairs. He fights a shudder and walks the length of the hangar, trying to absorb every detail he sees before sitting down on a crate.</p><p>He tries to not remember the battle, he really does, but knowing it took two ships to take them there and one to take them back sits wrong with him. How many men died because of a bad call he made somewhere along the line? How much blood is on his hands this battle? The last one? How many deaths is he responsible for in this war? Hells, the Kaminoans were right. He’s not fit to be so much as a captain, never mind the liason for the 50-fucking-1st.</p><p>He jumps when someone sits down next to him on the crate, snapping him from his thoughts. He reaches for a blaster that isn’t there and is almost ready to fight away the intruder when he looks at them and sighs.</p><p>“Stars, Codes, you scared me. I would have shot you if I had a blaster on me.”</p><p>“I’m glad you didn’t, would be very inconvenient if I had a giant hole in my chest. Imagine the paperwork for that.”</p><p>“Who would they sue for property damage?”</p><p>“Can the Republic sue itself?”</p><p>“Hells if I know. Probably, though.” Cody laughs, and Rex can’t help smiling. Cody’s always been able to do that, ever since they were cadets. He doesn’t know if he’s ever told him how grateful he is for that.</p><p>“Hey, is everything alright?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You have that look on your face. Not quite upset, but right on the edge. Something’s up.”</p><p>“It’s not exactly like we have nothing to worry about, Codes.”</p><p>“You were in the hangar bay by yourself during the night cycle.”</p><p>“I needed time to myself.”</p><p>“You hate being alone.” Rex looks away, trying to feign interest in one of the ships nearby. “Rex, what’s going on?” Silence floods back into the air around them, and all of the guilt slams back down on him.</p><p>“How do you cope?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How do you cope? With the war, with the losses, with all of it?” Cody siddles a little closer to Rex before answering, careful not to breach the distance he knows Rex needs.</p><p>“It took me a while. Most of the time I didn’t really understand it, there were so many men on the reports; I still can’t fully wrap my head around it. I can’t give them a proper farewell, but I save the reports. I save their names because I know that’ll last much longer than any remembrances I say. They’ll stay eternal that way.”</p><p>“And yourself?” Cody tries to ignore the way Rex’s voice breaks, but it doesn’t stop the little twinge of pain that comes with hearing it.</p><p>“I distract myself, mostly. There’s plenty of paperwork for a marshal commander, and I’m often so tired that I don’t even have time to think about it. But when I do think about it, I remind myself that I can’t change the past, I can only change what I’ll do next time. I’m not saying it’s easy, or that I magically feel better, but it helps.”</p><p>Rex doesn’t cry. He hasn’t cried since he was six, and he doesn’t plan on letting that happen any time soon. Still, his throat burns with tears and sobs begging to be let out as he silently falls against Cody. He melts as Cody wraps him up in his arms and gently rests his head against his, swaying lightly.</p><p>“I’m sorry, <em> ner kih’vod </em>, I’m sorry. It’ll be okay, I promise. I promise.” They stay like this until Rex grabs Cody’s hand and gives it three quick squeezes, a signal only they know. Cody helps his brother to his feet and wordlessly takes him back to his quarters, holding his hand the entire time as a reassurance. He’s still there, he won’t leave.</p><p>The exhaustion finally hits Rex when he steps into Cody’s quarters, and he doesn’t protest when he’s led to the bunk. He makes room for Cody before laying down, curling into Cody’s side when he joins him.</p><p>“Think you’ll be able to fall back asleep?” Cody asks, stifling a yawn.</p><p>“Maybe…” Rex hesitates, and the silence grows heavy with his unspoken question. Cody doesn’t even need to hear it to know what it is.</p><p>“<em>Udesii, vod’ika </em> . I’m not leaving you, I promise. <em> Udesii </em>.”</p><p>“<em>Vor entye </em>.” Rex relaxes, all of tension finally seeping out of him, and pulls Cody into a hug. Cody smiles faintly and wraps an arm around him, gently pressing his forehead to Rex’s as he waits for his little brother to fall asleep. Only when he’s sure Rex is okay does he settle down and go back to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mando'a Translations<br/>Ner kih'vod -- little brother<br/>Udesii -- rest, calm down<br/>Vod'ika -- dear brother<br/>Vor entye -- thank you<br/>Come over and yell at me on tumblr, <a href="https://made-by-the-clone-wars.tumblr.com/">@made-by-the-clone-wars</a>, for more TCW content.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>